The Day Da Music Died
by Britz
Summary: My first fic revisited and with a whole new chapter, you'll laugh, cry and get a headache trying to work things out, guest-starring: The Antimorphs!s
1. The Day Da Music Died

  
Britz-Wow, I can't belive I'm finally gonna write a Fan-Fic *sniff* I promised myself I wouldn't cry, Yes this is my first Fan-Fic so pllllllllllllleeeeeeeaaaaaaaasssssssssse review or terrible self-esteem problems may manifest.  
  
Disclaimer thang- I don't own anything especially not the Animorphs they belong to Scholastic and the marvellous K.A.Applegate and I not making any money out of this thing anyway (how could I anyway, Who would pay to read this piece of crap.) The only thing I own is the name Britz, not even the story-line thing is mine I stole it from another Fic and I don't own Hoppy potty or Taco Bell either.  
  
Summery-Marco and Rachel host a radio show, WHO CARES? Just read the friggen thing.  
  
  
The Day Da Music Died Part 1 (the first part)  
(cheap name isn't it)  
  
(Scene- it's all radio-station-like y'know with dials, pretty buttons and shiny things, Marco and Rachel sit facing each other wearing head-phones and talking into mikes)  
  
Marco-And a big Hey to all of you out there in radio lann-DA  
  
Rachel-Yeah whatzup whatzup!? Wake up *BEEEEP* (c'mon you should know the drill, they can't say where theyr'e from or the yeerks will get them. Duh.)cause we ready ta rock.  
  
Marco-Yeah were gonna start today wit a song toppin da charts everywhere but da U.S.of A it's HoppyPotty's 'Everbody want fun potty'  
  
(Hoppy Potty song plays. And if you know who Hoppy Potty is  
you have brilliant taste.)  
  
Rachel-Damn dat song is kool  
  
Marco-say RA-chel do ya think it's time for us ta prank someone *Rachel stares expectantly* I mean someone-NA  
  
Rachel-Well al-ight den *presses button*  
(Rachels voice comes out of of speakers but it is obvious it is made up of all different bits and pieces of her talking)  
  
*Rachels voice*-Oh Marco.yo*zz*you are. SO .*ert* Good at..TURN-ing/me\ on... I want,,*zzt* YOU. SO... bad. I--*Marco jumps across and turns button off*  
  
Marco-*turning red* Thats for private use only!  
  
Rachel-Riiight, *presses different button*  
  
*Deep Male Voice*-Now it's time for another of Marco's (various boings, beeps and rings are heard) Crank Calls.  
  
(A ringing phone can be heard, A very sleepy Jake answers)  
  
Jake-Yeah, hello.  
  
Marco-*In a deep, serious voice that sounds nothing like him* Hello is this a Mr Jake *BEEEEP* (Remember what I said before people.)  
  
Jake-Hang on let me check (shuffeling, ruffeling and other made-up words ending with 'uffeling' type noises.) Yeah,just barely.  
  
Marco-*confused*What do ya mean just barely?  
  
Jake- I mean just barely MR Jake  
  
Rachel-Eww Eww Eww that's more than I needed to know!  
  
Marco-ssh, shut up.  
  
Jake-What was that?  
  
Marco-Nothing, Mr Jake we are sorry to inform you your girlfriend Cassie is...Dead.  
  
Jake-*shocked*..Are you sure?  
  
Marco-Pretty sure.  
  
Jake-..How sure?  
  
Marco-Alright positive.  
  
Jake-(On verge of tears.)Bu..But, how did this happen?  
  
Marco-Well she morphed the Taco Bell Chihuahua to investigate a Taco Bell that she thought was a front for the yeerks....  
  
Jake-and..  
  
Marco-Well she was mistaken for a rodent and thrown into the Taco Bell meat grinder.  
  
Jake-OhmiGod (starts sobbing)   
  
Marco-*snickers then goes back to serious voice* We belive it was very slow and immensly painful.  
  
Jake- I,I,I can't, I can't....  
  
Marco-Sp-sp-spit it out D-d-dude  
  
Jake-I can't live without her *Rachel and Marco hear a drawer open and the sound of a pistol being loaded* Goodbye cruel world *there is a clicking noise* Whoops left the safty on *different clicking noise* Goodbye cruel world *there's a gun shot noise and a loud thud.*  
  
Marco-Oh........Hmmm........Oops.  
  
Rachel-Umm Jake, you still there?... Uh it was a joke.  
  
(there are sounds of a door opening and footsteps)  
  
Jake's mum-Jakey what was that JAKE! Oh good lord NO!!!!  
  
Marco-*Nervous* A-hee,Uh hi Mrs *BEEEP* it seems your son was fooled by our little prank A-hee.  
  
Jake's mum-*excited* Hey aren't you Marco from that radio show?  
  
Marco-Ahh yes   
  
Rachel-Yeah me to.  
  
Jake's mum- OhmiGod I LOVE you two, I always listen to you on the way to work!  
  
Marco-Well thank you  
  
Jake's mum-OhmiGod OhmiGod am I on the air?!?  
  
Rachel-Ahh yes   
  
Jake's mum- WOW! OHMIGOD OHMIGOD!!  
  
Rachel- Mrs Jake's mum we would like to consolidate you in this time of great loss.  
  
Jake's mum- Wha-what? Oh right my Jakey-poo.*Marco snickers*  
  
Rachel-Ah yeah, to help you through this time of grief wer'e gonna send you a 'Rachel and Marco show' show-bag that contains a hat,mug and bumper sticker for the 'Rachel and Marco show'  
  
Jake's mum-Oh WOW thanks so much Rachel and Marco I LOVE you!  
  
Marco-Yeah right back at ya babe *turns off phoneline* well that went well.  
  
Rachel-True dat, well our next song was topping the charts a while back   
  
Marco-Bull-sh*t(hey he can't go swearing on the radio)  
  
Rachel-Yeah it's a very cheap song it's an 8-minute version of the Animorphs TV show theme *presses button*  
  
(starts playing 8-minute version of Animorphs theme)  
  
Britz-Hey hey got any flames?,Death threats?,Praise? (HA HA HA Thats the funniest thing here by far ha ha praise ahhhh.) well then write a review dip-shit (hey I'm not on the radio) and I know this says part 1 but hell lets see if I can be bothered writing another one cause who know what I'll do Mmm-kay.  



	2. The Day Da Music Died 2 (the next bit)

  
Britz-I'm ba-ack, and firstly I would like to apologise for accidently submitting my first fic 3 times, it was an accident cause I am an idiot you see, also I would like to thank . Jordi Sharpe and Pixi Squirrel for the fantastic reviews (you so kind) and . I think thats the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing thats in this story al-ight like Animorphs. And I don't own the song either, I borrowed it because I figure an Animorphs radio thing needs a Animorph song, so the song is by the Angel of Harmony I picked it because it's the best song-fic you'll ever read, in fact save yourself, get out of this crappy story and go read 'Andalite pie' it is the best song-fic ever.  
  
  
The Day Da Music Died Part 2 (the next bit)  
  
(starts back where we left our DJ heros, if you don't know where that is well screw you go read the first 'The Day The Music Died' thing and make sure you review it.)  
  
(8-minute version of Animorphs theme ends.)  
  
Marco-Well we is back (yes I'm making him talk like an idiot again so bite me) coming up we got da news and traffic report  
  
Rachel-Thats right, in the news today our little sea-side town was threated recently by a crazed Andalite in a fighter jet who planned on blowing up the whole town. The Navy attempted to send more forces to stop him but they had no idea where to send them since our location is such a friggen secret.  
  
Marco-Yeah they couldn't find a sea-side town close to mountains and huge expanses of forrest about an hours drive from desert and a short bus ride to a large city .... Go figure.  
  
Rachel-Also there has been an increase in the number of people living in the streets because controllers who's yeerks who are addicted to oatmeal.  
  
Marco-I'd just like to say, hungry homeless people, stray dogs, the solution seems obvious.  
  
Rachel-Next we have the traffic report with Tobi in the sky.  
  
Tobias-*static*I have told you to stop calling me Tobi in the sky just call me Tobias  
  
Marco-Tobias in da sky dat don't sound so smooth brutha.  
  
Tobias-What was that?  
  
Marco-Neva-mind-da hows da traf-FIC up dere.  
  
Tobias-What are you even saying? Why don't you just speak normaly  
  
Marco-Alright, how, is, the, traffic, going.  
  
Tobias-Oh right, well everthing seems to be running very smoothly as far as I can see  
  
Marco-And how far is that?  
  
Tobias-what?  
  
Marco-*annoyed* Well how far up are you?  
  
Tobias-Hard to say, I losing altitude pretty fast  
  
Rachel-Why is that Tobias?  
  
Tobias-Well I've got headphones and a microphone on with a thought-speak transmitter on my back, how the hell am I supposed to fly?! In fact I should hit the road in about 3-no-2-no-1 secon..*SPLAT*  
  
Rachel-TOBIAS!!!!  
  
Tobias-Ahh I'm still alive here I'm just in an unbelivable amount of pain, I think I have broken every bone in my body but I am still alive.  
  
Rachel-Oh thank God, we will come and get you my little scoochy hawk, my big fluffy baby birdy *Marco laughs* SHUT THE HELL UP MARCO!!!!!  
  
Tobias-..Actually.. There seems to be a very large truck here.. and it's about to run me..over..ROCK AND ROLL FOREVER!   
*SPLAT*Static*  
  
Marco-Hmmmm.....Well.......Lets go to a song huh.  
  
Rachel-*sob* Tobias why? WHY? *sob,sniff* why? *points at Marco* This is all your fault you mother fu-*cuts to song*  
  
(Plays the Angel of Harmony's 'Andalite pie' which is the best song-fic EVER. If you didn't listen to me the first time go read it right after you write a review.)  
  
And you will write a review WON'T you  
  
PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP  
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL  
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
  
And remember *James Bond type music plays* Marco and Rachel will return in, 'The Day Da Music Died Part 3 (it's getting monotonous)'  
  



	3. The Day Da Music Died 3 (it's getting mo...

  
Britz-Wow . I didn't know you cared, any how here's the 3rd bit you already know how much the storys suck so you don't need me to tell you (or if you don't know how much the storys suck, go and find out A-hole) well tally-ho and pip-pip and lets get on with the bloody thing.  
  
Disclaimer-Animorphs and Elcolo9's song 'The Real Slim Davie' by 'David Taggert' on the album 'The Dave Taggert LP' don't belong to me, if I rip anything else off it dosn't belong to me either Mmm-kay.  
  
The Day Da Music Died Part 3 (it's getting monotonous)  
  
(Scene- well were the hell do you think they are? New Jersey? theyr'e in the same place as in the other 2, the radio station only now Rachel is weeping over a picture of Tobias and David (you know the rat-dude) is sitting in a third chair.)  
  
Marco-Hey listeners, wer'e back and with as today we have rapping sensation David Taggert, the crazy little dude stuck in rat morph who tried to kill the Animorphs, has recently released an album 'The Dave Taggert LP' so David what do you think the biggest factor in your success was?  
  
David-Well Marco I gotta tell you I thin..  
  
Rachel-*interrupting* Oh Tobias why you? Why not me?! or better yet why not Marco?!!? *Sob cry whine sob*  
  
David-uh yeah.. Well.. What was the question?  
  
Marco-Never mind, anyway I heard there was trouble with you and the 'Stuart Little' people, I belive you accused them of racial discimination.  
  
David-Yeah I tried out for the lead role but they said I couldn't get it cause I'm a rat  
  
Marco-those were their exact words?  
  
David-Well actually they said that my chance of getting the role went down severly when I bit the producer and he had to get a tetnus shot. But it's really all politics.  
  
Rachel-*sob sniff* No! Tobias NOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Marco-*trying to ignore Rachel's out-bursts* So politics you say? How so?  
  
David-Well with the way I ran around biting people, the way how with you guys I would switch sides then go back again to protect my interest's and my cold dead animal eyes..  
  
Marco-What about all that?  
  
David-Well they thought I was a Republican.  
  
Marco-Aaaah. Naturally. *Now having lulled David into a false sense of secruity he starts with the insulting questions* So David I think the question fore-most in everone's mind is, how do you jerk off in that tiny little rat body? and I do mean tiny little.  
  
David-Wha-WHAT! I'll kick your ass! you miserable son-of-a-  
  
Marco-Uh-huh I guess your arms are just to short huh? I guess thats why your a little crank-ky. So I guess you just wait till all the other rats are bathing and you come along and theyr'e all like 'Aaaahh it's David! What-ever you do don't drop the soap!!' huh?  
  
David-WHAT!! I'm gonna KILL YOU Mother-fuc..*interrupted by Rachel who starts singing very, very badly*  
  
Rachel-Annnd IIII-ea-I will always love yoooo-ooaoaooou I will always....*interrupted by David*  
  
David-And will you shut the hell up about your little bird-bitch, hey why not come and get a piece of a REAL nothlit, you know you want some.  
  
Rachel-Wha-what was that?  
  
David-You heard me! I mean look at this I'm dead sexy *licks his paw and rubs it round one of his six rat nipples* look at my sexy body *makes pumping motions with his hips and little rat 'equipment'* HEY! I can read those action things your writing and let me tell you this is an impressive package for a rodent! *looks up and sees Rachel standing next to him holding up a large shiny machine* Eep! Uh..ROCK AND ROLL FOREVER! *Rachel brings the machine down*CRASH!*  
  
Rachel-I'll show *CRASH!* you *CRASH!* DEAD *CRASH!* sexy! *CRASH!* (continues smashing David little rat corpse for about a minute) Hmmm I feel better now.  
  
Marco-Even about Tobias?  
  
Rachel-Oh right Tobias, I forgot *Wah sniff cry sob etc...*  
  
Marco-Well.....Al-righty then lets hear David Taggerts hit song 'The Real Slim Davie' shall we?  
  
(plays 'The Real Slim Davie' by Elcolo9 it's a good song but the 'Yeerk Pool' one by 'Vissa Three' is better.)  
(song ends)  
  
Rachel-*now slumped over table drinking whisky straight from the bottle and now singing very, very, very badly* Oh since my baby left me Iv'e cried and cried and cried cause my baby birds a puddle near the road-side. oh I'm so lonely baby Iv'e been so lonely I could die *Whhha sob SOB sniff cry whine etc*   
  
Marco-I know what will cheer you up how about another prank call?!  
  
Rachel-* WAH sniff cry sob*   
  
Marco-Well al-ight *rings number and presses that puts those little arrow things next to his words when he talks, Phone is picked up at other end by Ax.*  
  
Ax-hello  
  
Marco-*in weird-ass Andalite voice*Hello is this Aximili-itsGaryRoth-Anthill?  
  
Ax-No I'm Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill  
  
Marco-Oh well I was close, so what-cha doing  
  
Ax-Me, I'm just sitting around drinking a Bud watching the game  
  
Marco-True  
  
Ax-Hang on a second, who is this?  
  
Marco-Me, well this is War-Prince Maxamilia-Cocacola-Yinyang  
  
Ax-Oh I am sorry for my insolance my prince  
  
Marco-Yeah...well..Alright I forgive you.  
  
Ax-Oh thank you, Uh I'm just wondering where are you calling from?  
  
Marco-our Homeworld, why do you ask?  
  
Ax-Well thats very far from Earth you know  
  
Marco-Well thats alright we recently changed our long distance service to 'Sprint' y'know.  
  
Ax-Aaah, well thats alright then. Sooo what is it that you want me to do?  
  
Marco-Well your mission should you choose to accept it, is to get a paper bag.  
  
Ax-Yes  
  
Marco-Collect the excrement from a quadraped know as 'a dog' on that planet and place it in the bag.  
  
Ax-Ummm, okay  
  
Marco-Then you are to place the bag at the frout door of the yeerk pool and set it alight.  
  
Ax-Gotcha  
  
Marco-Then you are to knock on the door and run behind a nearby bush to watch.  
  
Ax-With you  
  
Marco-Then you are to report back with your progress.  
  
Ax-Alright I will do this thing you ask (Hey do any of you know were what Ax just said came from? Cause it's driving me friggen nuts. If you do please write it down in a review.)  
  
Marco-Well get on with it  
  
Ax-Sir! yes sir!*hangs up phone*  
  
Marco-*normal voice* Yes! *high fives with Rachel*   
  
Rachel-Wow I feel so much better.  
  
Marco-Really? I helped you?  
  
Rachel-Nope, but the whiskey did *hic* I can't remember who I am so how could I remember this Tobias guy *hic*  
  
Marco-Well good enough for me, I can sexually take advantage of you in your drunken state, and still be able to listen to the first chorus of HoppyPotty's latest hit SpookyPotty. *presses button* C'mere you  
  
(Starts playing HoppyPotty's SpookyPotty.)   
  
Well that's the end of this installment of 'The Day Da Music Died' please exit in orderly fasion and remember to review at the bottum of the page y'all come back now y'hear.  
  
  



	4. The Day Da Music Died 4 (Crap, revisited...

Britz-G'day folks, well thanks to a friend of mine, Elcolo9 (blame him for all of this, kidding), and a need to return to my roots I've done the undoable, thought the unthinkable and wrote the unwritable. Is it god-given talent my friends? No, just stupidity.  
  
Disclaimer-We've been through this...  
  
The Day Da Music Died Part 4 (Crap, revisited)  
  
(Scene- Back where it all began, no not the construction site ya gimp, the radio station, the next day.)  
  
Marco-Hey ho! Welcome to another day with the Rachel and Marco show!  
  
Rachel-Much love y'all! Get ready to rock *BEEEEEP*! (Ahem, first chapter.)  
  
Marco-I must say Rachel; you look much brighter today, what with the death of your one true love on yesterday's show.  
  
Rachel-Well I did some soul searching last night and came to the realisation that it would never work out in the long run, I mean, He's a bird and I'm a gorgeous woman who has needs that poultry can't satisfy.  
  
Marco-*gags* So very much wrong with that sentence.  
  
Rachel-*annoyed* ANYWAY, I would have to break it off sooner or later, his death makes it that much easier, plus it's probably better for him this way, better dead than as devastated as he would be at me breaking up with him right?  
  
Marco-Of course *discreetly into his mike* 'cough' issues 'cough' emotional baggage 'cough'.  
  
Rachel-Besides, the sex was terrible.  
  
Marco-*suddenly enthralled* Reeeally?  
  
Rachel-Why do you think he would always go on about his "inexperience in human form", that excuse got old fast.  
  
Marco-You don't say.  
  
Rachel-I think it's pretty clear I do say, also he had, how can you say "stamina problems."  
  
Marco-You don't say.  
  
Rachel-I just did, sure, he'd always claim he had to hurry because of the two-hour time limit but mention the other hour and 58 minutes he had and he'd get all huffy.  
  
Marco-Gee, two minutes, that's not that bad is it...?  
  
Rachel-Excuse me?  
  
Marco-Lets change the subject, now, how about one of my patented prank calls? *Presses a button*  
  
*Deep Male Voice*-Now it's time for another of Marco's (various boings, beeps and rings are heard) Crank Calls.  
  
(A phone rings and Erek the Chee answers)  
  
Erek-A-hoi-hoi.  
  
Marco-*his deep, serious, crank phone call voice* hello, is this a Mr Erek King, Erek King the Chee?  
  
Erek-Speaking, I mean no! Erek King, yeah, Chee, what are Chee? I don't know what you're talking about!! Pheew, almost let the cat out of the bag there.  
  
Marco-Chee out of the secret hidden dog city don't you mean?  
  
Erek-Yeah, I mean NO! Damn your human mind games!  
  
Marco-It's okay, I know.  
  
Erek-Who is this?  
  
Marco-That's classified, call me a friend, I want to help you but first you must tell me, is your refrigerator running?  
  
Erek-What would it matter? We don't use it.  
  
Marco-Just check it!  
  
Erek-Okay, okay, *walks off, a door is heard being opened and closed* yeah, it's running.  
  
Marco-Then you'd better go catch it then!   
  
Erek-Huh?  
  
Marco-Catch it! Cause, y'know, it's running.  
  
Erek-I'm not following you.  
  
Marco-*hangs up, normal voice* damn robots, no sense of humour.  
  
Rachel-I think we need a different approach.  
  
Marco-You're the boss, or am I? I never have gotten this set-up.  
  
(Phone rings, Erek answers again)  
  
Erek-Hello?  
  
Rachel-*Stereotyped secretary voice* Hello, please hold for George Lucas.  
  
Erek-Why should I hold, he just called me!  
  
Rachel-Please hold..*passes the phone to Marco*  
  
Marco-Umm, arr, okay, *takes the phone, with a decent Lucas impression* Hello, is this Erek the Chee?  
  
Erek-Yes, NO! YES! DAMNIT!!  
  
Marco-I already know about the Chee Erek, calm down.  
  
Erek-Really? What from that refrigerator repairman who just called?   
  
Marco-Yep.  
  
Erek-Wow, news travels fast.  
  
Marco-When you control the box office you control, information.  
  
Erek-You must be the real deal then, what can I do you for Mr Lucas?  
  
Marco-Please, just call me George.  
  
Erek-Really?  
  
Marco-No, anyway Erek I'm calling to ask you how would you and some of your stainless steel cronies like to be in episode three?  
  
Erek-*excited* would we!  
  
Marco-Well would you?  
  
Erek-Uhh, yes.  
  
Marco-Fantastic.  
  
Erek-Hey, we are talking about Star War's right?  
  
Marco-*sarcastic* naaah, episode three of Howard the Duck.  
  
Erek-Oh, then, I'm not so sure...  
  
Marco-That was a joke Erek.  
  
Erek-Oh right, a joke, uhh *loud phoney laugh*  
  
Marco-Don't humour me.  
  
Erek-*meek* sorry.  
  
Marco-So you're in then? I'll set up an audition, fantastic!  
  
Erek-There may be a few conditions though.  
  
Marco-Okay then, what might they be?   
  
Erek-Well I don't think of any of us are prepared to do full frontal nudity.  
  
Marco-Excuse me?!  
  
Erek-I'm sorry Mr Lucas but we saw that episode one and thought that those bits with C3-PO were a little too racy, I don't think any of us we'll do that unless it was absolutely necessary to the plot.  
  
Marco-Riiiight.  
  
Erek-Although just between me and you, I thought that it was really hot.  
  
Marco-*cupping his hand over the phone so Erek can't hear* Ewwww, disturbing. * back on the phone* what are your other conditions then?  
  
Erek-We'll want our own trailers, nothing like those battle droids in the episode one, I was appalled at the conditions they had to work under, all folded up like that, so nothing like that for us Chee, we're union.  
  
Marco-Fair enough, I learned my lesson from that movie all the same, the money we shelled out to those extras was incredible, and when Calista Flockhart got mixed up with them and got folded up, well there was hell to pay...  
  
Erek-Fair enough, our final condition Mr Lucas is no slicing and dicing, I don't want to get into that, the nightmares were enough, and humans think that "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" is bad, try being a robot watching episodes one and two, a little to explicit I think but lets not get into that, I just want us to all be in one piece at the end of the working week.  
  
Marco-But the actors are getting sick of working with blue screens Erek, they'd like something to really sink their light sabres into.  
  
Erek-Hmm, I'll see what I can do but you'll have to do me a favour in return..  
  
Marco-Anything, just name it.  
  
Erek-Could you get me the numbers of a few of those Droidekas, my food processor and I are SOOO into them, what hunks!   
  
Marco-I'll see what I can do for you and everything seems fine, hold and the line and I'll be right back with an audition date.  
  
Erek-Sure thing Mr Lucas.   
  
*Marco puts him on hold and the holding music is softly heard as he puts the phone down, which is of course, the 'Star Wars' theme.*  
  
Marco-*normal voice* Another satisfied customer, *him and Rachel high five*  
  
Rachel-Beautiful stuff, alright let's start off our music with Metallica's 'The Unforgiven'.  
  
Marco-Tell me something Rachel, every other song we've played has been a fan-fic song or B.S. Why a real song this time?  
  
Rachel-There's a reason but only something that Elcolo and anyone who knows him personally is going to understand, lets not go into it.  
  
*Metallica's The Unforgiven plays, 6 and a half minutes later....*  
  
Marco-Okay, and we're back!  
  
Rachel-And with us today are very special, inter-fic guests: The Antimorphs. Well three of them at least.  
  
David-Hey.  
  
Aleks-Morning.  
  
Ripper-Pleasure to be here Rachel, Marco, ya stinkin' dogs.  
  
Rachel-Great to have you, now maybe we could start with you telling us a little bit about your selves and your series, "The Antimorphs Saga."  
  
David-Oh I think they people out there know all about us from the series.  
  
Marco-Maybe you could explain for those who don't.  
  
Aleks-Excuse me? *into the mike* What does he mean? What are you doing here? Get the fuck outta here and read it!!  
  
Rachel-Umm, okay, thank god we got ride of those, uhh, people.  
  
Marco-How about you start by telling us how you got your name.  
  
David-Well it was me who coined it actually, it's just saying about my hatred for the Animorphs, how I'm like the Anti-morph, you see?  
  
Rachel-No I don't, you still use morphs so you're not against morphs, shouldn't it be Anti-Animorphs?  
  
David-I thought about it but it's not as catchy.  
  
Marco-Well when your series is just starting it's like a delicate flower, you've got to have something to get you read by the jaded fanfic.net public.  
  
Aleks-So you see our point.  
  
Rachel-Quite. So how come not all of you could make it? Contractual agreements?  
  
Ripper-No, YOU STUPID DOG-BITCH! It would just be too confusing if all the Anti's were here, so we got picked as we're the favourites *begins stabbing self in leg and drooling*  
  
Rachel-I can see why Britz would pick you, finally a character he can relate too.  
  
David-Tell me something exactly how are we here with you, Marco, who I thought was dead and Rachel, who's infested, being interviewed when only yesterday you had me, only not me, as a rat rapper who got killed?  
  
Marco-It's an inter-fic, plot-hole, dimension-crossing thing.  
  
Aleks-Or what we call Tuesday in our series.  
  
Rachel-Yes, that brings up a point I wanted, uhh, brought up, you guys do seem to have a lot of strange mind-bending adventures don't you? Your stories seem to have more twists and turns than Chubby Checker in a blender quite frankly.   
  
David-You're quite right, it's a strange universe out there and we've only yet began exploring it, but it's all linked up, by the time our creator's done it'll look like a toddlers interpretation of connect the dots on several metaphysical planes.  
  
Marco-Sounds more complex than a season's worth of Dragonball Z.  
  
Aleks-Too true, I'm living it and I still have no idea what the fuck's going on.  
  
Rachel-Now fellows, since you're very special guests on today's show we thought we'd do something a little special, dim the lights please...  
  
David-Oh! Oh! Is this a surprise? I love surprises! *going off everyone else's looks* what? What?....Well I don't care, I'm still the toughest.  
  
Marco-Umm, Rachel we don't have a dimmer switch.  
  
Rachel-Kind of a moot point anyway, what with this being a radio show, alright, David, do you recognise this voice...  
  
*Voice comes out of the speakers." Hello? Hello, is this thing on?  
  
Rachel-Tobias?  
  
David-Why Tobias? Not much of a surprise if you ask me.  
  
Tobias-Rachel, is that you? I heard the show Rachel, please no! I can change!  
  
Rachel-Damnit Tobias! We contacted the other spiritual plain to talk to Sanders, not you!  
  
David-Sanders?  
  
Tobias-I know, but I heard the show, please Rachel, don't do it!  
  
Rachel-No dice bird-boy, I'm a woman with needs. You however, are a dead bird.  
  
David-I get to talk to Sanders?  
  
Tobias-I can change! Well, okay maybe not the dead thing, and the bird things kind of my whole gimmick.  
  
Marco-What about the bedroom trouble?  
  
Tobias-Hmm, well look at it this way, medical science is moving so fast, who knows what tomorrow will bring!  
  
Rachel-Sorry Tobias, I know it hurts but, I've moved on, I have a new lover.  
  
Tobias-What? I only died yesterday! What's his name?  
  
Rachel-Uhh, it's, uhh, Ripper! Yeah Ripper.  
  
Ripper-*quits drooling at long last* I'm your lover? Damn amnesia, finally something worth remembering!  
  
Tobias-What, that psychotic, dog-eating savage from the Antimorph's Saga?  
  
Ripper-One and the same.  
  
Tobias-Damn, I can't compete with that, *away from the speaker* alright Sanders, you have the phone, there's nothing more for me, think I'll go blow myself away, siiigh.  
  
Sanders-What good will that do? You're already dead.  
  
Tobias-Damnit Sanders! I was trying to get Rachel to feel guilty and at least get a little pity sex, well looks like I'll be 'flying solo' from now on, if you get what I mean.  
  
Sanders-Unfortunately I do, *on the inter-plain of existence phone* Hello?  
  
David-Sanders? Is it really you?  
  
Sanders-In the flesh, well not so much flesh, fuck it, yeah it's me.  
  
Aleks-Uh....Oh  
  
David-*wipes away a tear* Kill the fattened calf, he who is lost is now found!  
  
Ripper-...I don't see any calf, but I could kill Marco if you'd like.  
  
David-Not necessary, Sanders my boy, how's death been treating you?  
  
Sanders-Can't complain I suppose, but never mind that, Aleks, is he with you?  
  
Aleks-Oy vey, it's gonna hit the fan now...*starts to sneak away*  
  
David-He's right here, why do you ask?  
  
Sanders-Well I've got a bit of a thing against him nowadays you see, he killed me in fact.  
  
David-He did what? *spots Aleks* Aleks! You gots some 'splainin' to dooo!  
  
Aleks-Well it's like this you see, I kinda, sort of, snapped his neck so I could become second-in-command.  
  
Sanders-Bingo.  
  
David-*chuckles* why you boys will be boys, well you two just stop the fussin' and the fightin', shake hands and Aleks can buy a round of beers for us all and we'll just forget the whole thing ever happened.  
  
Aleks-Well I must say that's terribly sporting of you.  
  
David-Hey, we're all mates here.  
  
Ripper-Hang on, mates? This isn't really David, *he leaps over and pulls off David face to reveal.*  
  
Britz-Ummm, G'day.  
  
All-Britz!  
  
Ripper-I should've know you'd turn up Britz! *demorphs to reveal it's really Elcolo9!*   
  
Britz-Elcolo, mate, what are you doing here?  
  
Elcolo9-I knew with the combination of the Antimorph's skill for confusing plots and the and the off-kilter humour of your fics, a plot would develop that nobody would understand but me!  
  
Marco-Wait, I'm confused.  
  
Elcolo9-See!  
  
Marco-*Pulls off a mask to reveal he's Fred Durst* No, I still don't understand what's going on. *puts the Marco face back on*  
  
Britz-But you were wrong Elcolo, for I'm not really Britz! *pulls off another mask.* I'm really LaRouche, and I'm here to warn you about a large gelatinous creature that could destroy the world!  
  
Rachel-I used to be a man! And I'm pregnant with Tak Sistranous baby who is prophesied to grow up and avenge his father's death!  
  
Elcolo9-Haha LaRouche! I already knew you weren't Britz, because..*pulls off another mask* I'm really Britz, here to catch anyway attempting to imitate me in this fic and ruin my good name!   
  
*earthquakes begin rocking the building*  
  
Aleks-Britz! You're writing this crap, what's going on?  
  
Britz-The plot hole created by this melding of fics is collapsing and creating strange off shoots, something like that I suppose, I'm probably not the one to ask though, I'm not actually Britz I'm a shiftie posing as him so I could create this plot hole and kill us all!  
  
Kil-Um241-*suddenly turns up at the door* Remember me? Planet Styx, Chapter 20, when you stick a droid with a Drac-Pike, make sure you finish the job.  
  
Aleks-*Pulls off a mask to reveal he was in fact David all along* Lets get it on.  
  
*The roof collapses and both Britz and Elcolo come swinging in*  
  
Elcolo-Guys, we know how to stop this, all you have to do is...  
  
*everything explodes*  
  
*Much later... The radio station is rubble, bodies lie amongst it all*  
  
Rachel-*wakes up* what the hell was that?  
  
Ripper-*getting up, pulling off the tattered remains of his LaRouche mask* The fic plotlines collided, resulting in illogical circumstances and eventually, complete destruction of everything that made sense.  
  
Rachel-Why's that then?  
  
Ripper-What am I? The narrator? Hmm, looks like nobody else survived.  
  
Kil-Um-*rises from the rubble* Actually I'm still here.  
  
Rachel-Uh-oh, you're not still gonna kill us are you?  
  
Kil-Um-You know, I don't think I will, I feel like maybe, this is a sign, no more killing, no I'm turning my life around, I think, I think maybe this is a chance for a new beginning.  
  
Ripper-So what will you do then?  
  
Kil-Um-I like animals, maybe I'll become a petting zoo attendant.  
  
Erek-*turns up on the scene in Chee form* OhmyGod! I traced Mr Lucas's number to here, did he get out okay?!  
  
Rachel-Umm sure, he's fine.  
  
Erek-Well good, I just thought maybe...*sees Kil-Um, electronic eyes glaze over.*  
  
Kil-Um-*Sees Erek, voice box drops open*  
  
*there's electricity in the air and it's not just a leak in Kil-Um's power source, there's a fade-in fade-out shot of Erek and Kil-Um running towards each other in a field of daisies, and we're back.*  
  
Kil-Um-Speaking of new beginnings *to Erek* Hi, I'm Kil-Um241.  
  
Erek-Hey I'm Erek, that's some shiny heat-sensors you've got there. *In head, 'OhmiGod, I can't believe I just complimented his heat sensors!'*  
  
Kil-Um-Thanks, listen, I don't want to be to forward, but maybe, uhh, just perhaps, y'know if you're not doing anything maybe you'd like to, y'know, catch a human projection entertainment with me?  
  
Erek-*gushing* I'd love too! *the new couple walk away together*  
  
Kil-Um-I hope you won't think me to corny if I tell you your camera-lense eyes are the prettiest I've ever seen..*they walk out of hearing range*  
  
Rachel-Riiiight, well as strange as it is, I guess all's well that ends well.  
  
Ripper-How is this well? David's dead, so is my and your creators Elcolo9 and Britz.  
  
Rachel-Wait, those aren't really Elcolo and Britz, *she sits beside the body and pulls off the masks to reveal they're actually the dead bodies of Regis Philban and a mutant gerbil named Trevor*  
  
Ripper-Ahh the glorious life of an Antimorph. How about Marco?  
  
Rachel-He's over here, *rolls over Marcos body* ouch, looks like this videotape was turned into a lethal projectile by the explosion, it's imbedded inside his head.  
  
Ripper-So video killed the radio star? How ironic.....Want to grab a coffee?  
  
Rachel-Yeah okay. *they walk off*  
  
Ripper-So we were lovers?  
  
Rachel-well, not yet, heheh.  
  
Ripper-How intriguing, you wouldn't be trying to seduce me would you Ms Berenson?  
  
Rachel-Hey, you're cute and I'm available, what the hell.  
  
~The Wrap Up~  
  
Kil-Um and Erek were married, Kil-Um got the job he desired at the petting-zoo section at The Gardens but was fired after he branded all the animals there, he went through several jobs with Erek's support and finally found happiness as a florist, unfortunately several years into his marriage to Erek he came home and found Erek in bed with their neighbours garbage disposal unit, he blew both of them away before turning his guns on himself and blowing himself, the house and several neighbouring properties sky-high.  
  
Rachel and Ripper did become lovers and discovered both shared the Angelina Joulie/Billy Bob Thorton-esque passion for weird-lovin', they married immediately, moved into a house with a white picket fence, had 2.4 children and bought a golden retriever (which Ripper unfortunately killed and ate, much to his children's dismay.) Both passed away together in their bed at the ripe old age of 80 after a snake and knife handling accident during a night of lovemaking.  
  
On the other side Sanders and Tobias could make no sense of what had happened till Regis turned up and explained it as best he could, to end with some more couple endings, Tobias moved on and became a dead Amazon's bitch, Sanders briefly dated Marilyn Monroe but she left him for a mutant gerbil named Trevor, he spent the best part of eternity after that taking cold showers.  
  
As for David, he died but was saved by Puck and reincarnated as the son of a goat herder on the Planet of the Apes, he still has the destiny of destroying the universe which we all wait eagerly so we might be able to make sense of this mess of a fic.  
  
Britz gave this finished product to Elcolo for a proofread and there was much rejoicing. Elcolo read the fic and killed Britz for character assassination, and there was much rejoicing.  
  
Britz-And I'm spent, review it already. 


End file.
